• There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.
  • If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.
  • When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
  • What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
  • Never trade luck for skill.
  • The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh S#&t !”.
  • Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
  • Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
  • A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
  • I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
  • Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
  • Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.
  • When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
  • Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
  • Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II. When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.
  • If you’re faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
  • If an airplane is still in one piece, don’t cheat on it; ride the bastard down.
  • There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).
  • The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but someone who’s been there)
  • If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.
  • Basic Flying Rules Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of the ground, buildings, water, trees & interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly these areas.
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