I Did Not Die Young

I could have, of course.
We all could.
The random indifference of this world will
Drive you nuts if you think about it too much.
It’s why we try so hard to be in control.
Because we know in our bones
That this, of all things,
Is impossible.
Yet we try, because we can’t quite believe
That we are not the answer the world
Has waited for.

But I did not die young.
If I had, I would not have seen
The sun come up on this particular day,
Somehow different from the 24,503 that came before.

I would not have seen the way it
Stirred the air and made the buds of the lilac
Dance in little, subdued circles,
Waiting for the last snows to melt.