Again?


Note: This was written a while ago, in the depths. Since this one, last June there was a fourth (3 were breast cancers). Like all the other times, she came through it OK. 

Three cancers, different each time.
Chemo, radiation.
I watched you climb the stairs, two steps,
Then a pause, a rest, then on up like that.
Your stubborn courage gave me courage.
If you could do it, so could I.

We were so innocent, once, you and I,
Young and Beautiful. But since then
Death has taken a seat at the table,
Waiting to be fed.
We learned to ignore him, mock him,
But he doesn’t care. He gets us all in the end.
Hard lesson: accept that, but never surrender.

Can I keep going,
Keep plugging along, keep a happy thought?
I am so tired.
It just wears a person down, and I’m not even the sick one.
My burden is hidden to everyone but me.

At times like this, I just want someone to turn back the clock
And let me be a child again, scampering off to play
And jump in rain puddles until I’m called into supper.

I’ll just have a glass of wine and write a few words.
It’s all I have, all I can do.
There’s always tomorrow.

We just have to make it through the nights. The nights…

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11 Replies to “Again?”

    1. I am truly sorry to hear that. I was lucky that she survives, but have lost several family members and friends. As the years pass, the numbers grow. And we are part of a growing club that’s not nearly as exclusive as it ought to be.

      Almost everyone has a story, too. And now the pestilence is spreading to the developing world as this disease of affluence spreads. The irony is an ugly one.

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    1. I don’t hate a lot of things, but my hatred for cancer is implacable and complete. It is the enemy creeping into my tent at night with no thought but to destroy. The hatred comes from fear and a sense of helplessness, and the hardest thing (which we’ve managed so far) is to refuse to let those feelings control us. It’s all you can do.

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      1. Cancer is vulgar and relentless. That it would sneak upon innocent victims and savagely tear apart families. This can only be of the devil. There is no other explanation. Cancer be damned. Blessings to you and your family, may strength and peace be with you.

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        1. Thank you. We are past the last time by a couple of years, and have come through the testing time stronger, but also fully aware of how fleeting life can be. We plan like there is a tomorrow, live like there’s not.

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